Senior Updates III

Friday, March 9, 2018

For the past month or so, I’ve been focusing on the little things: the way the sunlight comes through the window on a Saturday morning, that last glorious sip of coffee, the feel of the breeze through an open window, a quote from a book that shakes you to the core and makes you question everything for a split-second. I’ve found great power in these moments; they can carry you through something confusing or heartbreaking or inexplicable. And when you’re able to sit down at the end of a day and say to yourself this happened today, and it was good, your whole perspective shifts.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to step away and look at the big picture. But sometimes, the big picture is too much, too overwhelming, and you have to close your eyes and ponder the inherent value of the moment you are in. 

This idea is important for where I am in life, I think, because in a few months everything will be completely different. And when I look back twenty years from now, I won’t remember everything that happened, but I’ll remember people and what they said and how they made me feel; and I’ll remember the rush when that song I love came on the radio; I’ll remember the wind in my hair, driving with the windows down, the moment before everything got too complicated. 

I've realized that because the weight of college acceptances and decisions is now no longer a burden, I have the freedom to enjoy the moment. And I think that's what the Christian life should always look like, more or less, because we know that God holds our future. We know that from the beginning of time he's had thing whole thing planned out for our good and his glory, so we have the freedom to look at the beautiful little moments in life and really relish them.

MEMORIES: excerpts from my journal

01.13.18 / A late birthday celebration downtown; listening to one direction and 5SOS on the way home, screaming the lyrics that saw us through so much; reflecting on what was and welcoming what is to come

01.20.18 / my school's semi-formal, i.e. my first real dance ever. A friend did my makeup, I wore heels for the first time ever, and I felt pretty. I didn't know most of the songs, only the older ones, but the ones I did know I sang my heart out to. 

02.01.18 / "It's only two hours till you turn fourteen!"
"Well, technically, it's six hours and forty-seven minutes."

02.11.18 / a quote from spurgeon: "Jesus wants nothing of you, nothing whatsoever, nothing done, nothing felt; he gives both work and feeling. Ragged, penniless, just as you are, lost, forsaken, desolate, with no good feeling and no good hopes, still Jesus comes to you, and in these words of pity he addresses you: 'Him that cometh  to me I will in no wise cast out.' If thou believes in him, thou shalt never be confounded."

02.13.18 / "consider the lilies" (Luke 12:27)

02.14.18 / passing out valentines in physics

02.16.18 - 02.18.18 / Work Crew Weekend at Carolina Point:
- singing in the kitchen over the noise of the sanitizer
- running through the dining hall in our dish aprons while middle schoolers shout "pits, pits, pits"
- the feeling of fulfillment at the day's end: achy bones and muscles, throbbing head, full heart
- on the ride home, windows down listening to the head & the heart
02.23.18 / drove with mom and jackson; just the drive thru, but we rolled the windows down and played Ben Rector and I felt alive

02.24.18 / that saturday smell. windows open. three cups of coffee. clemson basketball on the radio while dad sleeps in his chair. writing to John Mayer

02.25.18 / sitting on the bed with jackson and rocky and laughing at every little thing. mom came and told us to be quiet and I felt seven years old again.

02.26.18 / "you know i forget how fun and nice it is just to hang out and chill and just not care about responsibility for a while"

02.27.18 / Jackson said, "don't leave, I'm lonely," so he came to my room and sat on my bed to do his homework while I studied

03.02.18 / "Remember what you will become" - Don Whitney

03.03.18 / Paterson, poetry in a movie

03.04.18 / buying a bouquet of roses for a friend and listening to vance joy's new album in the car

03.05.18 / calling poppy on the bluetooth speaker in the car and all of us singing him happy birthday

03.06.18 / "drops of jupiter" on the radio; singing "I'll make a man out of you" in ap psych

03.08.18 / riding bikes with jackson around the neighborhood, laughing at the sounds that words make

CONSUMPTION: movies, books, + albums

the things they carried, tim o'brien:
"At the hour of dusk you sit at your foxhole and look out on a wide river turning pinkish red, and at the mountains beyond, and although in the morning you must cross the river and go into the mountains and do terrible things and maybe die, even so, you find yourself studying the fire colors on the river, you feel the wonder and awe at the setting sun, and you are filled with a hard, aching love for how the world could be and always should be, but now is not."

        - 'how to tell a true war story'

paterson, starring adam driver
"Get any writing done?"
"I did a little, yeah. Working on a poem for you."
"A love poem?"
"Yeah, I guess if it's for you, it's a love poem. It's kind of inspired by our Ohio Blue Tip matches."
"Really? Does it mention the little megaphone shape the letters make?"
"Yeah, actually it does."
"How beautiful. I can't wait to read it when it's done."

nation of two, vance joy
"no matter where you've been/ jump into this water/ and you'll come out clean"
        - 'bonnie and clyde'

darlin' oh darlin', the hunts
"peace be still my darlin' / all is well my darlin' / your anxious heat is well bestowed / oh it weighs deep down deeper than you know"
        - 'peace be still'

eurus, the oh hellos
"let be what is, let be what isn't  / it's a natural world in which we're living / and if you let it alone, it will surely grow / just leave it alone, child, and let it go"
        - 'grow'

notos, the oh hellos
"and though the eons may pass as slow as the sands of an hourglass / every grain that we've counted claims that even the mountains can change"
        - 'new river'

the great minimum, tow'rs
"please come soon, Lord knows I want you to come / home is a relative term, sometimes hope is the same / as help I've learned"
        - 'the swan & the east'


I hope you enjoyed reading this little piece of my life, and I hope that you, too, will learn the power and beauty of seeing and feeling the goodness of the moment that you are in. Hold on to Hope, my friends; he's always got his arms outstretched, waiting to hold onto you.



9 comments:

  1. Man, I love reading Senior Updates. And you're right: it really is just in the smallest things. I knew that senior year (and high school) was going to pass fast, but somehow it's already March, I graduate in a little over 2 months, and then my life as I know it will be completely gone. I'm learning to take every moment and just live in it and embrace it before it goes away completely. <3

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    1. I know! I didn't believe them when they said it goes by so fast, but now I'm wondering where the time has gone. But I'm not scared or worried about the future; I'm actually so excited to start a new stage of life. So even if 'life as you know it' will be gone, remember there is excitement ahead!!

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  2. This post made me feel calm and more appreciative of life. Thank you. <3

    xx Kenzie

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    1. aw, Kenzie, thank you! That is such a compliment coming from you—I always love reading your posts!

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  3. With all of the craziness, I think you really do have to cling to the little moments. I've been trying to savor every moment of this season. Always love reading your words, sweet friend. <3

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  4. "We know that from the beginning of time he's had thing whole thing planned out for our good and his glory, so we have the freedom to look at the beautiful little moments in life and really relish them."

    ^^ AW YESSSS.

    I've always wanted to do a work crew weekend. Sounds amazing. And I love the Head and the Heart. xx

    Hailey
    www.thehardworkingcreative.com

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    1. yesss the head & the heart have the best road trip vibes !!

      thanks for reading, Hailey!

      xx

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  5. I love your memories section! It's totally inspired me to start a section like this in my journal, something I've been putting off forever.

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I love reading your comments; each one brightens my day <3 I try to respond to each one, so let's have a conversation!