Colorado Diaries // Episode One

Saturday, June 25, 2016


Greetings to everyone! As I write this, I am on a bus heading to camp in Colorado. Once camp begins on Sunday evening(ish), I won't have my phone or any other electronic, so I wanted to do a quick post for y'all before I go. What you're about to read are actual thoughts from my brain that I recorded in my journal. My deepest apologies if they are completely incoherent ramblings. 

25 June 2016 | Frontier Trip: Day 2

Not too long ago we crossed the border of Kansas and Colorado. Kansas is truly flat. I was amazed at the beauty of it all. It's flat, indeed, but it's also gorgeous.

It makes me wonder how the first settlers felt when they made their way from the east cost to the Midwest. They must have been awestruck by the barren beauty of the land, truly unsettled and unkempt in every way. 

For some reason, I've felt more at home on this trip than I ever have in Clemson. I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do. I miss my family, but I know I'll see them again soon, so it doesn't really hurt. I hope I'm not so shallow of person that I'd be content to live my whole life alone and traveling, but right now I truly have a sense of peace. 

Maybe it's the lack of obligation. Maybe since I'm not being told to clean my room and feed the bird and do the laundry I feel like I'm at peace. If that's the case, I'm not only shallow, but naïve. I'm shallow because I enjoy an obligation-free life, one where nothing is pulling me, where I'm comfortable; I'm naïve to believe that any sort of life can be found as a wanderer. 

I suppose that is that case, and since that's the case, I don't really deserve life at all. I don't deserve peace or assurance  or security. Really, I deserve to wander and never find what I'm looking for. But somehow, for some unexplainable reason, God still gives me peace. He still gives me assurance. He still offers security. And, in the process, He gives grace for when I fall short. He's patient when I think my way is best and have to figure out otherwise. He's loving when I run to worldly things and come back to Him with a broken heart. He never once has said I told you so, and that amazes me.

What really gets me is that God has everything. He made and owns the same world that I run after instead of running to Him; and still, He wants me.

I don't know why it took me two days on a bus to figure this out, and with that I'm reminded all the more of my depravity. 

Long ago, the settlers must have spent so many sleepless nights wondering how they would find a life in a place that had so little. They must have sent so many prayers up asking for abundance. And, in the long run, God delivered. In the same way, I know He will make something beautiful and abundant out of me. I'm empty, a wasteland, seemingly worthless, but God makes beauty for the ashes. 

(This is the part when my pen conveniently ran out of ink.)

I'll be back July 4th! Don't miss me too much. :)