the walking in between

Tuesday, January 26, 2016



The feeling had hit me sometime between Christmas and my sixteenth birthday, and I hadn't been able to shake it sense. It was an overwhelming feeling, a feeling that shook me to my core and drove me up a wall. I would cry in annoyance, begging God to take it from me. It was like an muscle spasm or one of those itches that you can't quite locate. Oh, how I wanted to pull my hair out. I did anything I could to make myself forget it was there: homework, netflix, snapping a few pictures, writing a poem. But I couldn't fool myself, and I always knew it was there.

The reason for this annoying little itch hit me not so long ago as I was riding in the car somewhere with my family. We were all talking, the radio was on, and it seemed that everyone was happy. But all I wanted to do was escape. It seemed that though all was well and good, I was not. I had so many dreams stored up, and I felt that if I didn't act on them, my head would explode. I wanted to do something, to be something. I couldn't help but feel that life was moving along miserably slowly, like I was running sixty miles an hour and everybody else was running six.

And it was then that I silently thanked God that I didn't have a car to drive, because knowing the state of mind I was in, I could have driven to the airport and jumped on a plane to Australia without any second thoughts. So in my little town I stayed, simply out of obligation.

Last Friday was our first "snow" of the year. (I say "snow" because it was mostly ice, but that's beside the point.) For as long as I can remember, my family has gone on snow walks after the year's first snow has fallen. The whole world is white and it's altogether magical. So, as usual, on Friday night, my family and I went on our snow walk. It sounds like a simple, not at all glamorous occasion, but, oh, how magical it was. We laughed and joked the whole time, bringing up memories and making new ones. (We had just watched Disney/Pixar's Inside Out, so we couldn't stop making jokes about how we were making "core memories" at the moment.) Through all the magic, as I watched the snow reflect the streetlight, that itch disappeared. I had found the peace I was searching so desperately for. Instantly, a line of Ben Rector's "I Like You" popped into my head: "Life is not the mountain tops / it's the walking in between." And in that moment, I knew that I had found my walking in between. Right there, in the snow-covered streets of Clemson, South Carolina, I knew that God placed me where I was for a reason, and He was going to finish the work He started in me, no matter what. So once again I said a prayer of thanksgiving, and once again I gave my dreams to the maker of the stars. I know now, just as I've learned many times before, that God's will is an umbrella and a shelter from the storm, and it is the safest place you can ever be.

So to my fellow free-birds, I pray that you find your walking in between. I pray that God strengthens you and gives you hope for tomorrow. I pray that on your walking in between, you pursue God with all that you have. And when it's finally time, God will place you wherever He wants you if you simply put your trust in Him.

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And, hey, just for the heck of it, here's Ben Rector's "I Like You." (It's so good and it makes me smile so big and you'll love it so much I promise.)


10 comments:

  1. Hey,
    I've read sometimes your blog so by the way. Now today I comment, because I've nominated you for the Liebster Award. Hope that's ok for you and glad about it.
    The first snow here, was snow but now around two weeks later we have positiv temperatures and the snow was melting.
    Love, lea

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    1. Hey, Lea! I am so grateful for the nomination! I've already done the liebster award, so I probably won't do it again, but like I said, thanks for the nomination! I read your liebster award post and really loved it! Thanks for commenting!

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  2. What a beautiful post! I have felt like that so many times in the last year or so (I'm 15 as I sit here and write this); there was always such a longing, such a yearning, that refused to be ignored until very recently. I realized that not everything has to happen right now, right in front of me. :)

    myheartfeltreflections.blogspot.com

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    1. You are so right, Elisabeth. Sometimes what we're looking for really is right in front of us, as cliche as that sounds :) Thanks for reading and commenting! (And I'll definitely check out your blog!)

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  3. THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T BREATHE. oki. *gasps* *flails* AHAH that thing about you and you family joking about the "core memories" made me laugh. Because I was doing the same thing with my sister. xD (Actually her personality is SO MUCH LIKE JOY it's crazy so we skit Joy and Sadness (yes i'm sadness XD) into conversations so often and it's hilarious. OKAY NOW ONTO THE SERIOUS THINGS. x)

    This is soooooo true. Like, your words were ointment on my heart, girl. This post really felt yummy. so thank you for that ♥ and I know exactly how you feel. It's so easy to get impatient and sort of exasperated?? with your present state of life (and I would probably be the type of person to jump on a plane to Australia, too) but those moments like you described up there are such great reminders that everything is going to be okay. Actually, even better than that -- everything is going to be perfect. Because we know One who has made all things new. :)

    THANK YOU FOR THIS.
    love,
    abbiee

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    1. I'm SO HAPPY you enjoyed this, abbiee. Comments like yours always make me smile! So really, I should say thank YOU for your encouragement!

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  4. I'm just now reading this and it is so beautiful and true, sweet baby!! Love what God is doing in your life. And Ben Rector is coming up so quickly I'm so excited I might cry. ANYWAYS amazing job, as always!

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    1. aww ily, ma!! Honestly couldn't be more excited to see Ben!!

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  5. Uncomfortably relatable. Great post.
    Also, just thought i would let you know, I nominated you for the Creative Blogger Award! <3
    ( http://landofquiet.blogspot.com/2016/02/creative-blogger-award.html )

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    1. Hey Ava, I totally saw your post and your email!! So, so sorry I didn't reply!! I've been swamped with so much work. Thanks for nominating me!! I'm not sure if I'll do it yet, but if I do, I will definitely let you know!

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